Noticing

The more you notice the coincidences in your life, there more there will be.

Dead Chipmunk

Ever smell a dead chipmunk?

Well I have. And I am right now. Gross, I know. You see, my furry and purry roomy “Nibbles” likes to chase them when she is outside. She will sit on the step in the back and wait for one to come out. She will wait and wait and wait until one comes about, then zoom! There goes Nibbles right after it. She ends up chasing the little critter to its death! Startling the little guy, it scrambles like it has never scrambled before… I can only suspect that the chipmunks don’t always escape the gripping claws of death. They must get pounced upon, clawed to smithereens and then squirm for freedom, half alive and still breathing. I suspect they bolt right back up to where they whence came, between the siding and the house. This is when, and where they… yup, you got it… die!

The only proof I have of this is the smell I am smelling now; it is quite potent and well, quite distinguishable too. I have had someone here in the past, educating me on this matter and telling me that it is definitely the smell of a dead chipmunk. And this dead chipmunk is not far at all, in fact it is very, very close for the pungent smell tells us so!

Perspective

“Change the way you see things, and the things you see will change.” (Author unknown to me - at this time).

Opinion

As-tu déjà essayé de vivre juste une journée même sans avoir d’opinion? Ta vie changera c’est absoluement guarantie. Ta perspective ne sera plus la même. Tu te trouveras perdu; et c’est un bon point de départ. Tu pense que tu es cette opinion mais tu ne l’es pas. Tu trouveras un autre espace dans lequel vivre. C’est plus joyeux que tu penses. Essai.

Magnetic Hematite

Gems and minerals come from the earth. We stand upon many such things, though it is easy to forget about the abundance in the world. I know I am too busy thinking shit up, so much that reality is fleeting. So now I bring back my attention to the present time, the present moment and ask myself three excrutiationgly important questions that aid me in maintaining here, in the now. The first question is “What am I thinking?” This brings me back to myself, realizing I must have been off in thought, either in the past or the future. The second question I pose myself is “What am I feeling?” This question enables me to assess how my thoughts are affecting me physically - eventhough they are only thoughts. Thrice I ask “…” (I forget it right now, I will fill this in when I remember). The most important thing to know is the extreme pertinence in keeping your mind where your body is. This is the feat. These questions help me in keeping my mind here where my body is, even though it may not be as wonderful as my dreams may be - up there in my head, in my mind, mind made up world; a world of make belief. When this happens, I miss out on life. I am draining my life energy for a fantasy. As wonderful as a fantasy may sound, a fantasy is none the less still a fantasy. Now, back to reality.

Oops

So it stands, I am learning to say “Hi!” - again, for the first time.

It is one of the toughest things yet; it pulls me right out of my comfort zone… and that hurts. I feel humiliated. I think I am dying by stepping out, by stepping up. And now more than ever I know that it is all due to the whole “I’m an important person” image or idea I have about myself. This is what is also known as  “the ego”, the image one has of one’s self - which of course is not who you truly are.

When reaching out, I become self conscious and fearful, preoccupied with worrying about what other people are thinking of me after I say “Hello!” instead of simply “being” happy. It is all about taking that step regardless. Regardless of what the results are, the only thing that really matters are the riches you will gain. Shaking if I have to, I am taking that step. I am going out on a limb and saying “Hi!”. Now, this may not sound like such the feat, though I can assure you it is. It all started when I consciously chose not to say “Hi!”. I decided that “from now on” (and until I decide otherwise) I am giving the chance to other people to say “Hi!” to me. And so I have… for so long now too. I made this choice at the turn of the century. It is the whole “coming back into my own” that is actually taking the whole mighty lot of courage. It is difficult to reincorporate something that is so natural, and yet still so foreign. This is a first step though, for I feel the quaking of my ego; it is slowly dissolving… dying. Though I did not know it at the time, it is this death (that of my ego) that I feared so. All those thoughts, images and ideas I had of myself, all of those things I said to myself in my head, well… that is who I thought I was. So you can say, I managed to fool myself! I had fallen into the very trap I was working so hard to avoid; I fooled myself into thinking I was something that I was not. Alas! This is a great discovery! This is like finding a treasure chest at the bottom of the deep sea. For it is the beginning of a new and richer life! How marvelous!

I remember… once upon a time I was the expression of life, I was happy, I was extroverted. Did I mention I was happy? Then I met someone. This someone, I noticed, lived life differently than I, completely different. I wondered what it was that was so different between our ways. Then it dawned on me! I realized that this person was not extroverted like I… the exact opposite! Introverted! Interesting, I thought. So, I opted to living life this way, as an introvert (until I decide otherwise, of course). And I have ever since.

This had become a new way of life for me, so much that I had forgotten I was ever an extrovert. I felt though as if I was missing something… and I could never quite put my finger on it either, until now that is! You see, I had become so disillusioned by my own accord that I found myself judging everyone around me - especially those who were happy. I was constantly thinking negative thoughts and criticizing them in my mind. I realize now that I was jealous. I was jealous of something that I wanted, forgetting that I already had it. I had forgotten my nature, my original state of being. I thought I no longer possessed this quality - that of being happy - when in fact it was inside of me the whole time! I had just covered it up with junk, with scum. And now, having lived like that for so long, I can tell you from the depths of my being that it did not work for me. This ordeal has by far been very close to being the death of me… of my spirit, my soul. The funny thing… I just realized this now after all these years. There had been this nagging feeling that something was missing, that something was wrong and yet I remained blind to it all; ever since that one day I consciously chose to become introverted, to wait for the “Hi!”’s to come in.

This life has been inside of me trying to come out - the whole time. The more I repressed it, the more it boiled up inside. And all I had to do was access it, release it. No other way is the natural way than expressing the life that we are, being genuinely happy and at peace with ourselves. This sorry attempt at something ridiculous was suffocating the life inside of me, stunting me and all that I ever could be; when all the while… all I had to do was let go, let go of this absurd idea, come back to myself and let life flow. Trying to be something that I wasn’t felt so unnatural, so wrong; and yet I never put two and two together. Now I know. Now I am back. I have returned to my natural, original state of being.

Here is a tidbit; I read in a bulleting from The Insight Line written by Dr. Emily Dickenstein (sp?) from The Ken Roberts Company; A Rich Man’s Secret Course that “the mind is created, it is not a creation”. Hmm. Something to think about.

Vastness

When alone it is more difficult to stay present; I am more easily persuaded into entering the mind and recollecting memories of times past. Simply watching the grass sway in the wind, feeling the sun on my face and the breeze in my hair has become a lost art. What must I understand in order to eradicate this treacherous state of agony that I am in, and to carry on in life with ease? Life is simple; I make it otherwise. There must be a way to let my thoughts come and go without attaching myself to them; the key is not creating an identity from them. You see, that is it, I think I am the thought that passes through me. I think that is who I am. Wrong thinking.

I am much more than anything I could ever even attempt to try to explore in explanation to bring about some kind of relatively minute understanding of the smallest aspect of which of this. And to amplify the vastness that makes me so, I am exponentially expanded over all of time; I have the universe inside me, which is but the size of a grain a sand on the beach of existence, and then some. Swallow.

On a lighter note, cats like to chase squirrels; and claw them too! Breathe. As far as I know the squirrel survived.

Imaginary World

Do you know what it feels like to be the prisoner of your thoughts, of your imagination? It happens when you focus in on what your mind is saying, wishing, desiring; all the while life is happening. You are not paying attention to the world around you. It is a whole other world that you have created, and within which you dwell in. This make belief world exists in your mind, and only in your mind. This world is not the real world. How then to be free of this?

I knew a time when I never lived in such a world. When such a world never existed to me. Yes, I did have goals and such, though they never consumed such a large part of my life. At that time I was 100% focused on life and what it offered, when it was being offered. Though, ever since the idea has been introduced to me, the idea that there is an imaginary world of thoughts in the mind, I find myself living in this world. It was not there before; this I know for a fact. Now it is, and it is becoming more and more prominent in my life. Urgh. As if the simple mention of the idea has caused it to become a reality. Now this imaginary world of thoughts keeps me preoccupied; mostly fighting off its negativity in my mind. What is this all about?

What must I understand?

You see there are plenty of things that I play over in my head, which are called “mental movies”. These are the times, the moments that I truly enjoyed. There are other things that play out in my mind as well. And these are all the fears I have. All these fears stem from the future. For example, if there is a certain event, or occurrence that I wish to happen, and that might not (since I cannot control the future), fear musters up inside. It is the fear that what I have conjured up in my mind might not occur; I am at the mercy of something in the future that may not turn out as I want. The thing here is that life has its own agenda - and it usually isn’t the same as mine, or yours for that matter. Wanting something, and then not getting it is when despair comes into play, even frustration and anger sometimes. This I know.

Simply accepting what life brings enables me to be happy regardless if it is what I want or not; regardless of the results I am not labeling events as either “good” or “bad”. The only reason I label events and occurrences as either “good” or “bad” is because of what I get from them. The outcome either coincides with what I want, or doesn’t. If it does, than it is “good”. If it doesn’t, it is “bad”. Try forgetting about your preferences, forgetting about the results and you will see that there is no such thing as a “good” thing or a “bad” thing. There are just things that happen, and that is it. Un point c’est tout.

C’est la vie.

Bewilderment

“A situation of perplexity or confusion; a tangle: a bewilderment of lies and half-truths.” (see bottom of this post for reference).

That’s it.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bewilderment

Breaking Through Walls

Is it true that speaking to the Universe by use of symbolism is effective? There are therefore many treasures in the depths of oceans. Seeing what cannot be seen with the eye, truth is always available to us; the “obstacles” that lie before us are not “obstacles” at all… in fact, they are spectacles: seeing glasses. What it is that we think we are doing, is not in Truth what we are doing; it is simply a parallel. There is always a deeper meaning, it is up to us to know it. There is always understanding to be sought; look for the silver lining. Truth speaks to us in mysterious ways, it is up to us to listen.

Breaking through walls today, I have found the double meaning in what I have done; the more I investigate, the more is revealed. “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”, as has been said.